There's more to [b.] m.e. than meets the eye...

2008-06-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

packing...

2008-06-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

my efforts have been Unsuccessful...

Two Months After the Fact

2008-04-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Jessie Nicole (my Soul Sister) and I going into the Falls.

Me and my little brother!

"Hoanna" "Yessie" and I near the Falls.

My intense burnt shoulder. This is day 2.

Pedro and Jose. (Brothers)

Me and My Boys
(Pedro and Jose)

Our Girl, Rafelina.

My Little Boy, Kele!

Anjo and I. (Friend Kiss)

I miss the Dominican.

Far more that some could even imagine.

The Project

2008-04-22T15:33:00.001-07:00

I am going to use this picture of Gabriel for my next "project".

I am excited to see how it turns out.

-b

didn't believe me?

2008-04-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

I told you Don Cherry is(was) hott.

JACOB IS MY FAVOURITE FRIEND!

2008-03-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!
Wow... its been quite a while since I wrote on here.
My Dominican trip was a success, and I've been doing well since I've returned.

I thought that today I would write a special blog about a special friend that I have.
His name is JACOB.
Jacob is basically the coolest kid that I know.
(and I know a lot of people)

When I first came to Bowman this semester- I didn't really know anyone at all.
Jacob was one of my first friends, and he is so much fun to hang out with.
I really enjoy going and sitting with him at lunch and visiting whenever I see him.
The other day, we listened to Bob Marley. (he's my favourite- but Jacob thought some of his songs were boring! hahaha)

Tomorrow I think I am going to go read with him during reading period.
I hope that I can find a good book to show him.

Anyways,
that's all for now-

peace!

-b

Far Too Long

2008-01-31T18:02:00.000-08:00

It has been far too long since my last update on my life,
so here it is:

I have moved to the city...
no more small town for me.
I'm lonely.
I miss people that I didn't want to miss.
I need hugs more than ever,
and I haven't gotten any...
I have moved to the city.

School started this week...
a new school.
My friend count is up to 4 I believe.
Things are different here.
The brick walls are tomato soup walls,
and the bathrooms are painted pink...
School started this week.

Its too damn cold and I want to be in Chile...
I really miss Camila.
I want to go visit her there.
I want to learn my Spanish better,
and then go and live there with her...
Its too damn cold and I want to be in Chile.

What else is there to say?
Nothing much at all.
Things have been better.
I have been better,
but I guess that's how it goes...
What else is there to say?

-b

it all comes down to this

2007-10-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here,
$250 short of the cash I need for my "down payment" on my Dominican trip... the money that needs to be in tomorrow.
Seeing as how I only found out recently that this is what I would be doing, I'm a little on the completely unnerved side.

Things have been crazy, busy, and overwhelming.
I haven't been where I want to be in my personal relationship with the J-Man, and I am not sure what is causing me to hesitate to fall into the arms of the only one who never lets me down.
Is it my pride?
My, "Independant" attitude?
I don't know.
But I do know that I can't do this alone, and once again I am facing the same issues, the same struggles, the same emotions.
I want to be loved,
I want to be held,
I want to be beautiful,
and I want someone to feel that I am worth something...
anything.

There are no words to describe the utter helplessness I feel right now...
the utter lonlinesss...

the chaos.

I am needing a drastic change, a desperate change, and yet, I don't know what to do.
I am scared to tell those closest to me about all these things going on...
all these thoughts of a longing so deep, a desire so strong, that keeps growing inside of me.

Where is that Camp-high that I so strongly encouraged others to obtain this year?
Where is that complete surrender that I felt with my Christ?

I am doing terrible in school.
I have this careless attitude, and a bad work-ethic while I am there.
Its never been like this before...
I think its mainly all these other things that keep running in and out, and colliding inside of me.

I want hugs.

I miss my dad.
I am at this place where all I need is a father to hold me,
his little girl,
and tell me that things will be alright.
Every tiny bit of love that I receive from other "father figures" in my life causes me to break.

I cry so much lately.
I'm just an "emo", they say.
Well,
they're right.

I'm emotional.
(an emotional wreck)

I HATE THESE FEELINGS.

I miss my smiles.
The genuine ones that lasted for days...
smiling in my sleep, and feeling great about the day that I just had...

I am not "depressed".
I do not need "help".

I just need love.
I just need understanding.

I just need...

something.

-b

A Month to Remember

2007-07-31T17:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I just recently finished one of the most amazing months of my entire life. I concluded my 4 weeks of Junior Counselling at Bethel Gospel Camp, and I have to say... it was... WOW.

The first week was Teddy Bear Camp. Apart from it being the shortest week, it was also the hardest, being the youngest group of campers. Karissa was my Senior Counsellor, and I enjoyed her alot. We had a great little cabin of girls, and I was so excited to see them so interested in learning about Jesus at such a young age. I had an entertaining experiance working with all the other counsellors. It was so much fun.

The second week was Children's 1 and I was not only completely surprised, but completely ECSTATIC to see that I was placed as a Jr. for none other than ROBIN!!!!!!!!! (Exclamation points necessary) Oh man... how do I even begin to explain what an amazing week it was?! Not only did we have the most hilarious cabin ever!! Robin and I had such a great time working together and getting to know eacch other even more. IT WAS AMAZING..
I have a question for her though:

IS THERE DESSERT WITH BREAKFAST? ;]

Week three I had Tiffany as my senior counsellor. We had a lot of fun too. We laughed so much... mostly at eachother... and our stupid insiders. It was so great. I had Robin as my Prayer Partner this week too, so it was so fun being able to make her little Oragami things that she had to figure out how to fold. Tiff was so supportive and fun, and I loved getting to know her more than I know already.

My last week out at camp was AWESOME. I had Lana as my Sr, and it was so much fun being with her and learning from her. She is such an inspiration, and blessing to have in my life. While out at camp for this week of Junior Teen, I also had to share a part of my testimony that not many have ever heard. It was really hard for me, because I didn't have a clue what God wanted me to share with these kids, but it was soooo amazingly awesomr, because God gave me the words to speak, and I really believed that He spoke through me into a lot of hearts that night.

It was really hard for me to leave camp at the end of the week... i had made so many memories, had so much fun, met so many amazing people... it was so great. I really enjoyed being pen pals with Dylan especially. Haha. I was so encouraged by all the people I worked with at camp. It was sooo fun.

Anyways, that was possibly the worst brief summary of my amazing summer I could give.... sorry.

all lovin,
God Bless,

-BME

For Jingoistic-Blank Canvasses-Logic Gate.

2007-06-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

Hey Jing,

[if you're reading this]
I owe you an email...
but i can't seem to drag myself to do it.
I think I'm just going to write you a blog as I would have written you if it was an email...
Yes.
A blog.
Here you go Jingo-
this is for you. :]

Dear Jingo,
well, what to say?! Exams are FINALLY over, and I am so glad it is summer! :] I had been so preoccupied with stupid teenage drama and what seemed to be an endless time of final projects and exams that it has taken a toll on me. I am tired. I am grouchy. I am... bored? Yes. Bored. I mean, there has been absolutely NOTHING for me to do lately. My friends are all either extremely busy with Grad type stuff, or are getting ready for summer stuff, or are so caught up in more teenage drama that I haven't had too much going on in my own life.

Except maybe for the fact that I recently had somewhat of a issue of heart this past little while with a boy... and as much as I want to vent all about it to you, it really isn't worth it. Let's just say that I feel that I am still FAR from ready to date anyone any time soon. (Not that I have too much trouble with that, considering that its not often that a boy even pays notice to me... but still.) Oh, and I think that I am a terrible person. (See definitions for: Jerk, Asshole, loser, imbicile, moron, meany-pants... you get my drift.)

Anyways... really, I live a boring life. Not too much going on. I do leave for the Bible Camp go to on Sunday- where I will actually be Counselling at for the whole month of July. I am really excited about it. :]

(The Famous, Bethel Gospel Camp- Sr.Teen Crew '06?)

And then, on the 31st of July, I will be heading to visit some of my family in Philadelphia (USA), the City of brotherly love for 2 weeks. Thats basically going to be the highlight of my summer (besides camp), and I really am so excited for that.

(Love Park, PA)

So what have you been up to? I hope that everything has been treating you well, and that your GSCE's or whatever they are called went good. (My little genius you! :]) Man... at the rate you're going, you'll have your PhD by next fall! :] I'm so proud of you! haha.. Are you done school now for the summer as well? And do you have many plans? Going to China? Let me know, I'd love to hear from you!

Okay, so I know this wasn't exactly as good as what you were probably expecting. I'm sure you thought I had some incredible stories to tell you, some juicy gossip, some really fun adventures that I wanted to share with you... but hey- no expectations, no disappointments. ;]

Have a great day Jingo,
and be well!!!

Your most favourite friend,
Ms. BME.

"You Jerk, You Jerk, You are such a Jerk. There are other words, but they just don't work... You Jerk."

2007-06-26T16:25:00.001-07:00

I don't exactly remember the day that I became a JERK.

I mean, there wasn't some ritual that I had to perform to secure this title, nor was there any sort of ceremony that I was a part of. I think that I just woke up one morning with a different attitude, possibly a few of my hormones out of place, and instead of my "nice person" hormones being in tact, they were replaced by the "Jerk" hormones that had been staking out somewhere in the back of my head.

I think the very first moment I realized that I was a jerk was when I was told that I was one. Maybe it was a subconscious act, and I didn't see the "jerk-ness" in it, but it was there alright. And then the words came, "That was a jerk thing to do."

"Was it really?" I thought. I mean... when it came to my actions, I usually thought that I was far from being a jerk. I didn't purposely sit down and think, "Hmm... How can I be a jerk to this person today?" But I guess it just came naturally.

As of today? I have decided to try and be less of a jerk. Its a sacrafice, I know. Me, stopping, thinking about other's feelings, thinking about how I can handle a situation and not be completely rude and ignorant in order for all involved to be satisfied, compromise. Its a hard job. To know you are a jerk, and yet, strive not to be.

You Don't Need to Understand...

2007-06-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

THE UGLY FACES

He's a Jared. That's just the way it goes.

2007-06-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

Many of you know one person specifically who you can absolutely not imagine being anyone other than, themselves. I know someone like that as well...

Some of you may know him as one of the infamous "FAN*BOYS", others, "Captain Inferno", some may consider him, "Mr.Fingler's Son"... but to me?

He's a Jared. That's just the way it goes.

I don't quite recall the day that I met this boy, I mean, we had been in school with eachother, and knew eachother by name and all that jazz, but had never been actual friends until sometime in my grade 9 year, (his grade 10). I think that the day that I met Jared, I probably ate some of his food. Or asked for a sip of a drink of his. I may have even used my famous, "I just want a bite" line. (The food whore that I am.) Either way, Jared and I became friends, and it was the start of many crazy adventures to come.

Jared is amazing. Let's just get that straight. There is really no other way to put it. I mean, I could go on about his incredible good looks, his charm, his "tall, (not so dark) and handsome"ness, his cunning sense of humor, his style, his impeccable taste in music, his wit, his gorgeous calves... all of that. But to put that into words is almost impossible. He's just so... AMAZING.

Jared and I had somewhat of a "thing" there for a while. I won't deny it. Everyone knew it too. We were always together, having coffee at the Bean There, driving around, going to Taylor's, going to McDonalds.. going... well, anywhere and everywhere together. It was so obvious that we liked eachother, that we decided to take our friendship to the next level with our "secret relationship". No one was supposed to know- but because we are the friends that we are, we were sure to let our dear friend Andrew, who had been the suspecting the whole time, in the know. Alas, all good things must come to an end, and Jared and I decided that it was far too complicated for us to keep going behind everyone's backs and not tell them of our undying attraction to eachother. We figured our friendship would stand a better chance, and the flame slowly died out.

If you know Jared, you will believe me when I say that he is quite the looker, and it is a PRIVILEDGE to even be in the presence of his glory. He just has that... Jared-ness about him.

There was even this one time that I was wearing not one, but two sweaters, and I gave him a hug. It was great.

Anyways, I just have to say that this boy is so talented, so wonderful, so... JARED, and I am so glad to know him and be his friend.

[and he can eat a BIG MAC like a pro!]

He is also going to be the greatest SRC President CHS has ever seen. And I support him fully in all of his somewhat-but-not-really full authoratative decisions as President.

ALL HAIL JARED.

-bme.

[p.s, some of you may not have caught it, but the whole bit about Jared and I being "JARED AND I", was just a dream that I have had my entire life, and I could never be so lucky for it to ever come true. Sorry if I spread any rumors of any sort.]

18 Reasons Why I Love You [in a somewhat particular order, but not really]

2007-06-02T14:46:00.001-07:00

18. You are the most excellent at laughing big and kind of embarassingly.
17. You can act like nobody's business! [my little thespian!]
16. You play percussion amazingly and I get really jealous but still love you.
15. You have an amazing sense of humor, and can always keep me laughing!
14. You share my love for both Sean Connery and Harrison Ford... and Aaron Kennedy of course!
13. Fall Out Boy would never be heard to these ears of mine without you.
12. You have a butch middle name...
11. You have butch hands...
10. Okay... you're just butch in general. JUST KIDDING!!!
9. You are the best to just sit around with and chill.
8. You make going to school worthwhile just to see your beautiful smile... THAT RHYMED! : ]
7. You are excellent at being you.
6. "I'll have these buttons... And your phone number." ; ]
5. You make camp fun(ner).
4. You love Jesus! JUST LIKE ME!
3. You're just that amazing.
2. Mr. Fingler hates BOTH OF US, so I love you for sharing the experiance with me.
1 1/2. Its your birthday!!!!
1. Because you are YOU!!!!

Hey Robin!!! This is the blog I promised you for your birthday!
I love you, and hope you're having a good one.
Stay awesome.

all lovin,
bme.

Mr.President/Ms.President, would you like a coffee with that?

2007-05-30T16:43:00.000-07:00

SRC elections were today, and after much thought and deliberation, (and a remarkable ballot scandal we managed to pull off... [i'm kidding!]) the results are as follows:

Jared Fingler- Co-President
Diana Carson- Co-President
Jennifer Bozek- Treasurer

and last but not least, yours truly, Bailey Edelman- Secretary.

Now I realize that my role as secretary may be tedious, and somewhat uneventful, but I feel pretty dang good about it nonetheless. Running against 3 others, whom I thought may have gotten the job due to the "Popularity Contest" the whole election was said to be, and coming out on top is quite the feat.

I can now be the "hot secretary" I've always been dreaming of becoming, the one I was named after 16 years ago... yes, Bailey off of "WKRP In Cinncinatti." : )

I think that the group of us that were elected will have a lot of fun together on the SLC trip, as well as just working together on the exec. I'm getting pretty excited for the fall... not because of the secretary position, but just the year that it will be... man, is time ever flying.

Anyways, that is the news update of today, and yes, the YC blog will be coming here shortly... whenever it is I get my pictures on here, and find the time to write A LOT!

Have a good day!

-bme

Sound of Melodies

2007-05-28T09:19:00.001-07:00

I realize that this is not a blog about my YC trip, but that is to come, I assure.

Apart from having an absolutely AMAZING weekend at YC, I made possibly one of the best investments ever. That is, this cd:

Now, after hearing of this band not too long ago before YC, and then discovering they would be at YC, I was extremely excited to see them live. Not only did I watch them perform live, I also met them, and got my cds autographed. Now, I understand that some people could care less about signing, but I really find it awesome to meet the band personally afterwards, and collect a few autographs. :)

Not only does their music reach your ears, it reaches your heart. Their passion for Jesus and their willingness to use their gifts for His glory truly is amazing.

Leeland Mooring fronts the band, and the 18 year old is talented, kind-hearted, and wise beyond his years. He spoke briefly during their show, and it is evident that he truly just loves the Lord, and wants to share that love with everyone whose lives they touch.

I strongly encourage everyone to try and listen to their music. Their lyrics are both powerful and honest, and the sound they produce with their instruments and voices is beautiful.

Their cd, Sound of Melodies is a great buy.

So...

go get it!

I<3leeland!

(even more than Josh Groban!)

-b

For the Person who's name I cannot say

2007-05-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is.

The blog, that you've been waiting for.

[or maybe you haven't...?]

I feel as though it is necessary. So please, sit back, and read... and remember... but don't regret.

This one is for [You.]

Once upon a time, (a very present time perhaps?) there lived a ^_^ (boy) and a *_* (girl). This boy and this girl did not meet yet... so please, don't rush to conclusions on how this will all turn out. We must first go back a little ways, and get the background information...

On July 31st, 1989, a baby boy was born... little did anyone know, this boy would one day grow up to be a Prince.

On November 2, 1990, a baby girl was born... little did anyone know, this girl would one day meet this Prince.

Now, where did it all begin? Truly? I can't recall. I believe there was more to it than just the crossing of paths, or the belief in fate... no... there was definitely some help in the meeting of these two.

Ahh, yes... The Other Girl.

You see, The Other Girl is very important. She was, and is, directly involved with the happenings in this tale. Despite the destruction this person may have caused, who can stay mad at one who causes great things to happen as well?

The Other Girl, as she is called, met this Prince. She met him, she befriended him, she deceived him, she hurt him, and she... well, she also helped him. (in a sense) The Other Girl is the relative of the Girl...

Oh dear.. have I lost you? Please... stay with me... there is more to come.

Prince meets the other girl. the other girl hurts Prince. Prince meets relative of the other girl (THE GIRL). Prince and girl become friends. Prince and girl become.... more than friends?.......

I'm sorry... I'm jumping way ahead...

The Prince and the Girl meet. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking this was some extraordinary event... it was simply.. Extra Ordinary. Nothing complex or completely dramatic. Nothing amazing, nor adventurous... (though the adventures were soon to come!) The Prince and the Girl were inseperable. (Except when they were seperated) They were friends before anything, and yet....

Things Changed.

The Prince and the Girl were young.
They were hopelessly [In Like].
They were...
impatient?

A romancing tale took place. The Prince sweeping the Girl off her feet, the Girl captivating the Prince with her smile. (or perhaps it was her charm?) The two were partners in a wonderful Love Charade...

But alas,
all good things must soon come to an end...
and to an end they did come.

The two became distant. Both litterally, and figuratively...
Thus the "Love" that once was, faded.

But...
do not be mistaken, there is a happy ending to this tale.

Somewhere,
Somehow,
Someway,
SOMEONE was rooting for them.

Oh no, maybe not in a romantic sense...
but in sense nonetheless.

The two became,
what they were destined to be...
and that is,

The Best of Friends.

Now lets not pretend that there was nothing between the two. There was. Definitely Maybe. But, more importantly than what they had, is what they now have.

Their friendship is remarkable.
Their loyalty unbreakable.
Their LOVE unstoppable.

and this my friend,
is the greatest treasure above all.

Thank-You for your friendship, I will love you always and forever.

My dear Prince,
Zorro,
Hero,
Yaunce.

All lovin,
-bme.

I'd Fight the Mountains to Win Your Heart...

2007-05-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

[but you'd still want me to capture the sky.]

So we have returned from the Band Trip (finally)! Although my experiances on the trip don't come close to Robin's, I'll blog my time for my own benefit, and not your entertainment.

On Wednesday morning, we loaded the buses up with all of our luggage and the instruments and got all cumberbund-ed up for our first performance at Jubilee. When we got there, it was cute to see all the little kids flocking to Robin and screaming, "Miss. Thomas! Miss. Thomas!" :)

We played there, and I have to admit it was pretty brutal. I honestly felt like the biggest loser afterwards due to my huge blank mind during our YMCA performance...

(Carrie the Sailor, Taylor the Cowboy, Jared the Carpenter, Bailey the "Aboriginal" Chief, Robin the Cop)

(Participation in the YMCA at Reed Ranch School)

"Bailey, You're One."
"Yah. Okay."
"Bailey... ONE!"
"Alright, sounds good."
"NO! Bailey! Say 'one'!"
"OH!!! ONE, TWO"
"TWO!"

*feels like complete idiot*

We then headed out of town and to Maidstone. We played our second performance there, and were surprised to have been given a donation for coming out from the school. It was really quite nice of them to do so. There were some loser boys from the High School there that I talked to, but they were basically the biggest jerks ever. Not to me, but the things that they said about people in our band kind of ticked me off, so I told them that they're losers, and walked away. Then they had to go to their classes anyways. So yah...

Robin held me up while I did the cool peg thinger on the wall, and made it to the top. When I was hanging there, she almost pantsed me, but she wouldn't really have... And then I dropped down, and my feet got all sore, cuz I didn't land toe-ball-heel..

We left Maidstone and continued on to Red Deer. We stayed over at the Red Deer Lodge, and it was pretty cool. We didn't do too much there... walked around town a bit and whatever.

The next day, we headed onto a little school outside of Olds, which is outside of Calgary called Reed Ranch School. There are only about 50 kids there from K-6, but they were all really cool. There was a little kindergarten boy who was my shadow most of the day- he had the sweetest little smile. :) We ate lunch out there with them, and then all had an icecream treat before we headed out.

(Kelsie, Jennifer and I with the Kindergarten kids of Reed Ranch School)

Our second and last performance of the week was in Olds, and the kids at this school were CRAZY!!! They were honestly like major fans, always cheering and laughing and whatever else. They were really cool. Unlike Reed Ranch, we didn't really get to meet too many of them, we were in and out of there pretty quick.

We then headed out to Calgary, where we had to go to a workshop thing with Mr.Klassen. It was pretty boring having to play the same song over and over again, and doing breathing exercises... but it was alright. We had a really good lunch of about a million sandwiches and alot of watermelon... after that,we went to our hotels, and then went shopping at the Chinook mall. We had alot of fun just shopping, and Nora and I engraved our eternal love for one another on a tree in the food court... :)

That night in our hotel room was... interesting.

After the girls ate supper, (Stephanie ate a whole medium Canadian pizza by herself!) we didn't do too much. We lazed around in our room and watched Batman and Robin on tv. Steph fell asleep watching it, and the lights were still on for a bit while we all did our own thing, (I was writing and listening to my new Cartel cd, Jen was packing, Shelby was getting ready for bed...) All of a sudden, Steph wakes up, and starts getting upset about the tv and the one dim lamp being on while she's trying to sleep... (when she had been sleeping for about an hour already with all that on...) and she starts dropping F-bombs all over the place and getting really angry. After we all tell her to calm down and just go back to sleep, considering she was doing it before, she gets even more mad. I ask her to pass me my pillow, laying beside her, and she refuses, telling me to get it myself. So i jump onto the bed, grab it, and whack her legs with it. (jokingly, and lightly) After I return to my spot in the chair, with my pillow beside me, Steph hucks another one at me. She's really pissed at everyone. And she still continues to swear at everyone. After I tell her to just chill, she tells me that I need to stop texting my "Lover Boy", in which I reply, "At least I have one." and she retaliates with a "Well, at least I'm not a little whore." By this time, Jen and Shelby have both gone into the bathroom to escape the wrath of Steph, and I have just been taken a little by surprise at the "little whore" remark. I jump on the bed, still jokingly, and yet, getting kind of pissed off myself, and ask Steph why she'd call me that... I sit on her too. Its getting interesting. She gets really mad, and smokes me pretty hard in the boob. And then proceeds to claw and scratch at my arms. So I jump off the bed and join the girls in the bathroom. Showing off my new war wounds. After about ten minutes, I go out into our room, and ask Stephanie if she'd like to join our conversation in the bathroom to which she replies, "No! F--- off!" So Shelby, Jen and I decide to hang out in the bathroom a little longer. We return to the room, and I sleep in the chair until I wake up in the middle of the night, and decide its not worth a sore back for Steph to have the comfy bed all to herself. The next morning, everything is back to normal....

We leave the Calgary hotel, and are on our way to Banff, and The Johnson Canyon. We go on a short hike of the Johnson Falls, and its beautiful. We enjoy a nice afternoon of sunshine and eating watermelon there before heading to Banff.

(Johnson Canyon Falls)

When we reach Banff and the Ptarmagin Inn, (No, not "P-Tarmagin"...) we get prepared to go on a tour of Banff. We ride through the mountain town, marvelling at all the sites... The National Park, The Banff Springs Hotel, Mr. Van Hoorn Statue, Mount Rundell, hot guys walking downtown... Its a good tour overall. After we return to our hotel, we hit the town! :) We shop until we are either broke, or bored. I didn't do too much. Really enjoyed meeting people from different places both in Canada and around the world. I met some buskers and chilled out with them, just listening to their music for a while. I also ate some delicious fudge!

(The Ptarmagin Inn)

The next morning, we pack our backpacks for the whole day, and head out to where we will be riding the Gondola up the mountain, and then later going to the hot springs. The Gondola ride was fabulous! Its amazing to be able to see everything from so far up. After reaching the top, we ate, and then continued to go up the walkways to the other top of the mountain. I took some really beautiful pictures with Mr. Zacharias' camera, and I really didn't want to leave the beautiful view. Alas, we had to head back, and then ride the Gondola back down to where we would go to the hot springs. It started pouring rain when we got there though, and we all were wearing garbage bags on our short trek to the hot springs. When we got there, we got our swim gear on, and went right in. It was beautiful! The coolness of the rain, and the warmth of the springs was perfect. I really loved it. I also introduced myself to some boys from Quebec. That was pretty right on.

Most people decided to take the shuttle bus back into town, but there was a small group of us that decided to walk. We walked on a path through the bush, and it was so beautiful. We eventually got to the Banff Springs Hotel, which is the most beautiful hotel i've ever seen. We got to go into the lobby, and then, we even got to have a tour of it! It was so wonderful. Our tour man, Tony, was from Jamaica. He was really awesome. It was neat to be one of the only ones that got to experiance that part of it.

(The Banff Springs Hotel)

Once we got back into town, we had alot of free time to shop and whatnot. Chels and I stuck together and dropped into random stores. I was with her when she bought her first ever pair of Chucks. Gotta love the cons. She shopped soo much. It was awesome. :) We also got shirts made at this one store called Bang-On. I got one with a record on it. Brennan got an amazing one for The Glass Novel, and Tay got an Alf one. They are so cool. :) We honestly had so much time to do whatever... Chels and I got Pez. And the dispensers were Bert and Ernie.

I like Pez.

We had to be back at the buses by 9:30, and ready to head home. I wanted to ride on the other bus. But I didn't. Because of technical difficulties. I actually liked our bus better anyways. Oh, and Jen and I sat together for the majority of the time and slept. Supposidely, I'm comfy. Oh, and we were all tired, and it was only 11pm. And then I was up sporadically during the night until we pulled into town at 7:30am.

I couldn't sleep when I got home. So I put on my new CARTEL cd very loudly, and listened to it.

I then showered and got ready for church.. I went, but started falling asleep in my chair, so I snuck upstairs and crashed on one of the couches in the youth room until the end of the service. I even told Pastor Dave, and he didn't get mad. He lauged at me. :)

Oh, the girls videoed me snoring on Jen's phone by the way... its quite entertaining.

I can't wait till tomorrow when I see my most favouritest B'ys ever!!!!

So that was my trip, minus anything that I forgot, and may add later.

(The Band Geeks. All lovin'.)

-bme.

"Cautivante"

2007-05-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book right now called, "Captivating", by John and Stasi Eldridge, and I have to say that I am both inspired and overwhelmed. Not only does this book cause me to wonder about the mysterious and "captivating" person that God has created me to be, it also causes me to wonder about the cry of my heart.

What is it that I want to find most? And why must my desire to pursue and find it cause me so much heartache?

?

Lately (I say lately as a general term, for its basically been since the beginning my existance) I have been wondering about where I am going and what I am searching for in the now, [Today, Tonight, Tomorrow] as well as where I am going and what I will search for in the future. [A month, A few years, After Graduation... etc.]

And more importantly than what I am searching for is WHO I am searching for.

:

"Excuse me, Dear Kind Sir, if you are reading this, and you are my Prince Charming- My Knight in Shining Armor- My Other Half- My Future Spouse- My Everlasting Love.... [etc, etc.] Please, contact me immediately, and we can make reservations for our future together... Thank-You."

Its somewhat frustrating to wake up one morning and think, "Where the heck are you? You're supposed to be pursuing ME! What is wrong with you? Hurry up and get on that! I'm waiting for you, and I want to to be found." and then it not happen in that very day.

"I will find you.

No matter how long it takes, no matter how far--- I will find you."

-Nathaniel to Cora in The Last of The Mohicans

;

As I continue to read this book, I am continually reminded of the Beauty that I possess, [okay, stop laughing- i'm being serious here!] and the beauty that is to be unveiled in time.

SOME DAY, SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW, He will come, and He will stop in his tracks at the sight of a Beauty he has longed to lay eyes on his whole life...

"Beauty overwhelms us, enchants us, fascinates us, and calls us."

-Fr. Andrew Greeley

Okay, so maybe thats a little bit of an exaggeration on my part- I don't expect him to be completely awestruck at the sight of me, [though it would be nice] but I do expect him to be able to unveil the Beauty within me that I have so longed to discover myself.

But!

I do know that God does find me Beautiful, and that that alone is satisfaction enough until a man sees it too...

The King is enthralled by your beauty.

-Psalm 45:11

...

As I continue on with each day, I can't help but wonder "Is that him?... Is he the one?... Could it be...?" and be completely excited at the thought, the adventure, the mystery of finding him...

Until then, I will continue to wonder.
And hope.
And dream.

And until then, My Dear Kind Sir, My Prince, My Knight, Whoever you are, Wherever you are,

I will wait.

-b.

ka-dunk, ka-dunk melt swoon sigh

2007-05-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

I have to say,

that there is this one boy,

that makes me feel like

[this].

His voice-

oh dear.

I'm gonna melt...

What a boy...

The One,

The Only,

Josh Groban! *sigh*

I don't know if you've all ever heard of him- but I have to say, he is quite... captivating. Classical sound with a drop of contempory... his voice resonating through the soundwaves and pleasing any ears that happen to hear him. Taking a hold of hearts unsuspecting. Lifting spirits with just a single note.

Ilovethisman.

Never could I *sigh* enough for you to even understand.. he is AMAZING!

I love you Josh. <3

-bme.

"Because we're just so hawt..." [or...not?]

2007-04-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

This is B-rit and Myself

And Key and I

We Three

(Key, Brit, Me)

Peace Baby

HelloGoodbye+TheHushSound+BoysLikeGirls= Amazing Night

2007-04-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I just returned from Saskatoon today, and boy, what an eventful time it was in the big city!

Seeing as how for the past month, all my plans had fallen through and screwed me over, I couldn't believe that I was actually in the city and that things were FINALLY working out!

I went to Saskatoon Friday morning with my Auntie Bonnie and my cousin Jasmine, and hung out with my friend Christi from there before meeting up with my Keysha and Brit from Regina at the Bez... we went to the Odeon for HelloGoodbye/The Hush Sound/Boys Like Girls concert, and we were sooooo pumped to be there! We stood fairly close in the lineup to get in, so it was a good thing we went early, cuz the line was way down near the mall by the time the doors were about to open.

When the concert was first starting, I was standing with the girls near the front of the pit... it wasn't going to be too much of a mosh, but it was still nice to be down on the floor. I then decided that I was going to go up to the other level, cuz there was way more room, and I wanted to dance... I almost started crying as soon as The Hush Sound came out though... it was crazy... I danced so much, and for so long, but I was so upset that Robin couldn't be there with me to enjoy them live. It would be amazing with her! They didn't sing "You are the Moon", which I was sooo disappointed about, but was told by their merch guy that they never do it live. :(

The Hush Sound
(L-R: Bob Morris, Greta Salpeter, Darren Wilson and Chris Faller)

After The Hush were done, I made my way over to the merch tables where, James, "Mr.Moustachio" (Adam) and "Handsome Dan" (Dan) were. They each had their own little Tip Jars/Boxes, and when tipped, would cheer, "TIP-TIP-HORRAY!" They were pretty sweet guys. Dan was merching for Boys Like Girls, Mustache man Adam was for The Hush Sound, and James for The HelloGoodbye. After purchasing some HelloGoodbye buttons, (Robin, I got you some too!)

I decided to go dance during Boys Like Girls. It was pretty right on, but then my feet were sore (stupid shoes!) and I went back to chill at the merch tables. As I was standing there, Bob Morris of The Hush came over to the merch table to chat it up... I was like "OH MAN!" and then he came up to me, and we started talking, and I got his autograph on my Hush Sound tee, and he signed my ticket stub, and was all like, "Thanks so much for enjoying our music and supporting us, it means alot..." and then after about, 12 whole minutes of talking to him, some little girls came up all freaking out, and got him to sign their skin. (i.e: their backs, arms, necks, "chestoral-near-area") it was pretty ridiculous. I got Chris Faller and Darren Wilson to sign some stuff of mine too, but I was upset when Greta wasn't around...

Handsome Dan and I then started to get to talking, and I purchased a beautiful Boys Like Girls tee, and he's like, "Can I sign it before the band?!" (He is their assistant tour manager, and their merch dude, so I was like, HECK YES!) and he wrote on the "B" of my shirt, "I Heart U" and I was pretty stoked. (Adam, the merch guy for The Hush then signed my Hush shirt... he wanted to feel special too.) Dan and I then had an intense conversation over the difference of a Hoody and a Bunnyhug, and then he drew me a pretty cool picture in my book as well. I got to decorate the back of his cardboard Tip thinger... he loved it!

This is Handsome Dan

During The HelloGoodbye I was jamming out with Handsome Dan still, and we were all singing along and having a good time. He gave me the low-down on his different tattoos and such, and then, he drew me a "Hand-Hawk" (by taking the permanent marker and drawing a single line down each of my fingers on my right hand, and then grabbing my hand, and positioning atop my head straight up) It was pretty sweet. Dan's Best Friend, (of 18 years) Doug, then came by, and we talked for a bit. He signed my Boys Like Girls tee on the "O" and wrote, "I Heart You More" (what a sweetie!) We had a good ole talk about Dan and him meeting in the first grade, (I swear its the best story I ever did hear!) and then we talked about being an "Original Gangsta"... haha!

This is Douglas

Also, another Dan, Not-so-handsome-but-still-mildly-attractive Dan, who is the guitar tech for The Hush Sound came over and introduced himself to me. He signed my Boys like Girls tee, and wrote, "Bailey, You are Super!" He then let me take photos of him on my phone, and said he wasn't photogenic... I said to him, "Well, thats because you didn't have me taking the pictures..." and then as soon as I saw the pic I took, I said, "Or maybe that doesn't help either." lol. We had a good time.

After a bit there, a few of the Boys (who happen to Like Girls) came out and about the place, and I got lead singer Martin Johnson to sign some of my stuff, and give him a hug. Then darling little John Keefe, their drummer, (who's pretty little, so you can't see him much from behind the big drum kit) came and chatted with Handsome Dan and I, and signed my shirt. Later on, I got to use my "How much does a Penguin weigh?" line on Paul DiGiovanni their bassist, and he was honestly the nicest guy ever. Key got a picture with him, but I didn't. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to meet Bryan Donahue at all, but he was pretty wicked sweet while they played.

Boys Like Girls
(L-R: Bryan Donahue, John Keefe, Martin Johnson and Paul DiGiovanni)

I didn't get any pictures or autographs by any of the members of The HelloGoodbye, but I enjoyed them all the same.

HelloGoodbye
(L-R: Jesse Kurvink, Marcus Cole, Forrest Kline, Chris Profeta)

After the show, almost everyone had cleared out, but I was still hanging around with Handsome Dan and the other merch boys when Greta Salpeter of The Hush came and was hanging around. I got her autograph on my shirt, and then when Key and Brit came back to hang out, she visited with the three of us. Then Not-so-handsome-but-still-mildly-attractive Dan came and hung out with us. He made a point to tell everyone how he and I are best friends and how we "go way back". Greta took pictures with Key and I, and then we convinced Key to sing a quick song for her. She was impressed, and she was soooooooo amazing to talk to. Just the kindest, and most beautiful person ever. She was really fun, and was singing a really neat jazz tune that she had heard earlier that day. I told her how I was a little disappointed about "You are the Moon" not being in their set, and she told me that she didn't think people would want to hear it at a live show, cuz its so mellow and laid back.

Greta and I after the Show

I then said my goodbyes for the last time that evening to all the amazing people I met, and headed back with Key and Brit to the Bez. Our feet and legs were so sore, we could hardly walk. We reminisced over the evening and all the amazing people we saw and met, and laughed a lot at the things that occurred. I got picked up by Josh and we cruised the city for a bit before I got dropped off at my brother's. I then talked to yet another Dan, (Pilot Danny) and I told him about my crazy fun evening, and we conversed for some time. (And clarification for you my friend: I did not kiss Handsome Dan, despite how awesome that would have been.)

Anyways, that was my amazing time and yah... it was quite... AMAZING! Once again, I really wish that Robin could have been there, but I did tell Greta and Bob about you! And they were sorry you couldn't make it! xox!

-bme.

Because life is so much better when you're a Giant... [This is for Jared- and everyone else]

2007-04-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

So I was looking through certain blogs today, and came across my friend Jared's. Now, in case you don't know Jared, YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD. He's this big tall mass of tallness, and Fingler-ness, and well, Jared-ness.

It made me kind of sad to think of how things have changed with this guy in the last few months. I mean, from driving around, renting movies, coffee-ing at the Bean, wearing not one, but TWO sweaters, and hanging out on a regular basis, to not even really spending any time with him in the last few months seems kind of off. Jared is pretty much the best though... like, I love[d] spending time with him. I don't really know what happened. Or maybe i do. Maybe i made some stupid choices when it came to priorities... And this doesn't just refer to Jared, this refers to all of my friends whom i love. Maybe i made some jerk moves when it came to situations that arose... Maybe, i don't feel like i even deserve the friends that i have anymore.

So, I'm sorry Jared. (and everyone else...)

I love you guys so much. <3

-bme

No Life= Updated Blog Finally

2007-04-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so its been a while since i actually made an attempt to blog something somewhat interesting on here, so i figured it was due-time that i tried to do just that!

What to say? What to say?

Well, I'll quickly back-track to the last few weeks/past month...

In March, we had our final drama, "My Gun is Pink"... (as my last blog revealed) we then took it to festival in the metropolis of P.Hill, and it was some good times indeed. I received an "SDA's merit of Excellence for Acting" award, which was a great achievement i believe, and i was so excited. I also met some way-amazing people, who are, well, pretty much a big deal. ;)

The week after drama festival, was music festival... i performed a musical theatre piece taken from the Hunchback of Notre Dame ("God help the Outcasts"- Esmerelda) I dressed all gypsie-ish (Sorry Mitch for the politcally-incorrectness) and i scored first place in my class of Female Vocal Soloist, Under 16... and then, second overall for Female Vocal Soloist, Under 18. yet again, a great achievement for me i felt.

This past weekend was Easter- [He is Risen!] and my many relatives were all up for the occasion. i had a wonderful time of bonding with all of them- and my cousins are pretty much the most amazing people that i know. :) I miss them so much... spending time with them made me realize how much i take them for granted, and i am truly so lucky to have them all.

So, i think i kind of hate who i am sometimes. now please, before you all get concerned, and start handing me the phone number for "Kids Help Phone", its really not that serious... and i mean, its not like i have a self-esteem issue or anything either... its just that sometimes, i really hate who i am.

Those of you who know me, know how i am...

you know that i love people.
that i love making random comments.
that i love asking questions.
you know that if i love you, i will tell you.. not once, not twice, but as many times as i have the oppertunity to do so.
you know that i have a creative-artistic side that i love to feed by creating things.. writings/letters/poems/drawings/paintings/cards... whatever!
you know that i will be the one to out of the blue run up to you and give you a hug.
that i will phone you up to say, "hey, i love you."
that i will text you in the wee hours of the morning something like, "i love you" or "who would you choose- Sean Connery or Harrison Ford?"
you know that despite how many times i repeat myself- despite how many times i tell you- despite how annoying you may think i am, that if you ever needed, you could call me...for anything... you know this, because i am your friend. and i am willing to do anything it takes to maintain our friendship- anything it takes for you to realize your worth as a person- anything it takes for you to know how special you are, and how much you mean to not only me, but to everyone who's life you've touched- to God, your creator.

and that's what i hate about how i am sometimes... because somehow, all of that adds up to this: i over-do it.

i wish that it wasn't true.. i wish that i could honestly sit back and say, "No way! I don't over-do it... i just care... that's just how i am.. thats who i am!" but who would i convince? myself? maybe... but not the person i want to convince.

its kind of pathetic how much it bothers me that someone doesn't understand that. they haven't known me as long as everyone else- so maybe its not their fault that i feel as though i need to change who/how i am... that i feel like "hey, maybe they're right... i need to stop doing everything i've ever known how to do..." and you know what? as horrible as it sounds- and as hard as it may be- i'd do it. for them? i'd do it.

Anyways, those are the happenings thus far... i hope you know how much you are worth, how amazing you are- for WHO you are, and for HOW you are.
i love you.

-bme.

My Gun is Pink

2007-03-21T01:26:00.000-07:00

So tonight was our opening performance of our drama, "My Gun is Pink". Despite the fact that I messed up my line by calling another character by my name, "24 hours, Liz--- Babe, and not a moment longer." I felt it went pretty alright.

We're leaving for P.Hill on Thursday morning, so thats exciting. We're the first peformance of the weekend, so thats really awesome too! I am so excited to see everyone from everywhere... i really miss my friends from Drama.

And another pretty cool thing about this evening is that there were two faces in the crowd that I didn't expect to be there... Tui and Danny's. That really made my evening for sure.

Chandra made my hair really pertyful.... and well... this is a lame and short post, but its all I got for now... so, "See you later good lookin'."

-Bme.

Call it a "Break", but its making me "Ache" [for my best friend]

2007-03-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

I hate being lonely.
[so leave me alone.]

Have you ever spent so much time with someone that you absolutely get sick of them? Okay, it happens to us all. For me, more often then not, its with certain family members, or certain friends. There's just that time where you say, "You know, I love you, but I'm so sick of you right now." And you both agree to have your space, and just regenerate until the next time you hang out, so you can do it allllllll over again.

But I hate the break time itself.

I'm definitely someone who can hardly stand having to spend "alone time" by myself. I get restless, and I get the urge to call everyone up and hang out with SOMEONE, even though I need the time to myself to just clear my head and everything else.

I also hate being the one needed a break from...

Seriously. Call it a break, but its making me ache. I can't stand that my bestest friend doesn't want to hang out with me, doesn't want to laugh with me, cry with me, smile with me, talk to me... it sucks majorly.

But you know, whatever. We all need our time. We all need our space.

[but quite frankly, I wish we didn't.]

The Name is Pants, Tui Pants

2007-03-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

January 27, 2007- meet Eliesa, AKA, Tui Pants.
January 28, 2007- coffee with Tui Pants at the Bean.
January 28, 2007- watch movie at Tui Pants'.
January 29, 2007- chillin out at Tui Pants'.
March 2, 2007- dinner at Tui Pants'.
.... and then every day after, hang out with Tui Pants....

As you can see, after only meeting someone a day, the friendship that you can have with them, and the bond that is made can have a huge impact on your life, and your future as well.

Thinking back to a month ago, i cannot even imagine my life now without knowing my friend Tui. He is one of the craziest guys i know, and the laughs, smiles and memories we share are amazing. I never thought that i would trust someone with my life the way I trust Tui. There are some people that you just connect with, and he is definitely someone that I have made that connection with. In the last month, I've learned alot about friendship, life, caring, (and other things) from him.

Have you ever had a friend, that you just care for beyond comparison? That you can honestly say you'd give the moon for them, the stars, heck, even your life? I know that sounds so extreme for someone that I've only just met in the last month or so, but there are some friends that you can honestly say that about, despite how long you've known them for.

I can sit with Tui for hours, and just chill. We can talk about anything and everything, (and i mean everything!) We can drive around town forever, waste half a tank of gas, and still hang out afterwards! We can sit and write music together, laugh till our guts hurt, watch lame movies together, make fun of eachother (in a loving way), fight with one another (only to apologize the next day), and just completely get eachother. Tui can keep how he's feeling from me, and i can still totally understand what he's going through. I guess thats what best friends do.

Anyways, i am just so glad that he's my new found friend, and that we are as tight as we are.
Here are just a few cool friendship quotes and lyrics... enjoi.
-b.m.e.

"Every now and then we find a special friend, who never lets us down, who understands it all, reaches out each time you fall, you're the best friend that I've found." -Jordan Hill (Remember Me This Way)

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.Walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."- Dave Matthews Band

"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend."- Tom Petty

"You've got troubles, I've got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. We'll stick together to see it through cause you've got a friend in me."- Randy Newman

"Best friends just won't leave your side" -Blink182

"Hey my friend, it seems your eyes are troubled. care to share your time with me"- Dave Matthews Band

"Let me be the one you call If you jump, I will break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart, If you need to crash, then crash and burn, you're not alone" - Savage Garden (Crash and Burn)

"See you and me have a better time than most can dream of, better than the best, so we can pull on through, whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down, and if nothing can be done, we'll make the best of what's around." -Dave Matthews Band

"If I had only one friend left, i'd want it to be you." -Paul Overstreet

Hey-Hey-You-You, I don't like your Girlfriend

2007-03-10T20:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes,
i admit,
i'm a jealous person...
of the girls,
that date,
my guy friends...

Okay, so i'm listening to this new song by Avril Lavigne, "Girlfriend".... and i'm thinkin, I really can relate to this song sometimes. Honestly, some of the girls that my guy friends end up with, i'm thinking, "what on earth are you doing?!" I've been friends with most of them our whole lives, (the guys) and why have we never gotten together?! haha... kidding. But i get kinda annoyed at the girls they date, for the lack of respect they have for themselves, and the way they present themselves as females... its embarassing. There are some exceptions to this rule, and i'm not one to tell the guys who they can and cannot date, but it has just been a thought in my head since i've heard this song.

anywho you-you,
i don't like this blogging...
night!
-b.m.e.

Tip-ucinno? Thanks a Latte!

2007-03-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

Working in a coffee shop is definitely one of my dream jobs, and I'm so glad that i've got it! I get paid to smell delicious fresh-ground beans and specialty drinks all day, listen to aspiring local talent on a monthly (or weekly) basis, talk and meet new people, and do dishes with disgusting bleach...

*sigh* Now this is the life.

I love my job. Really, I do. But there are some things that drive me crazy when I'm at work.

For instance, the many pre-pubescent little teenie-boppers that come in the shop and litterally give me a headache. As much as I love the kids, (heck, i was in school with them last year and we're on a first-name basis!) they act like 4 year olds instead of 14 year olds. It gets a little (understatement of the year) annoying.

Oh, and another one of my work-peeves, Creepy "Mr. X". (for his sake, and everyone else that cringes at the sound of his name, we'll just call him that.)

Now, many of you know Mr.X... he's the man that comes into your workplace at approximately the same time every day and orders the same thing, and sits in the same spot, and gets annoyed when there's someone else in the shop playing music or having a good laugh with a friend. (not an overboard, hardcore laugh even!) He is the one who clips his toenails in the far corner where he sits on the comfy brown twirly chair, and farts out loud and you pretend not to hear, even though everyone in the shop probably did, and you're too disgusted to even acknowledge the fact! And he's always reading something... and smiling a goofy smile too... ALL THE TIME. You wonder, "why the heck is he smiling? He must be plotting something... or maybe its just gas." (its usually the second alternative.) Oh, and not to mention the fact that he leaves comments in the Customer Comment book anonymously, but you know its him, for the comments are always, "I looked into the Abyss, and the Abyss looked into me"... "Show me how to live, and I'll show you how to SUFFER!" or things to that extent. And you think to yourself, "OH MY GOSH... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS POOR MAN?" Sometimes, you feel sorry for him, because he must be lonely, but then you remember how he completely lacks any social skills and it embarrasses you to bear witness to his actions on a regular basis...

Yes, Mr. X is definitely another one of my not-so-favourite customers.

And then there's the steaming cans. I hate when right after a drink is made, they sometimes don't get rinsed out, and the next time you go to use them, the foam atop the steamed milk left inside is crusty and you have to soak them in hot water from the little sink that splashes hot water on you all the time...

Or the way the tablecloths will be crooked, and you go to fix them, but they never seem to look even enough...

And "special" orders. i.e: "Double latte with only one shot of espresso and a shot of vanilla. Can you make that with skim milk? and only steamed to 160 thanks... Oh! Actually, make that a capucinno, and easy on the foam..."

Oh! And days when its SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW in the shop, and you just wish that it would get so freakin busy so that you would have something to do at least to make your wage worthwhile.

Okay... thats all I have to complain about... well, there is more...but I didn't drink any espresso drinks tonight at work, so I'm going to header to bed...

Night All!
And don't forget to stop by for a coffee sometime!
-b.m.e.

Can I tell you a secret? You're the bestest friend I've ever had...and i'm scared that you're probably right. (You were.)

2007-02-26T15:42:00.000-08:00

ahh... life.

Throws things at you in the most unusual ways... the most unexpected circumstances...

When i began my journey in this new relationship, i had several people cautioning me along the way... sharing their thoughts on the whole thing... warning me to look before i lept, my bestest friends in the world. And me, being the go-getter that i am, decided to ignore their cautioning, their opinions, and their warnings... who would have thought that the signs that say, "Caution Ahead" actually need heeding to?

I never was really good at the whole "Relationship" thing. I mean, I'm sixteen years old, i haven't even gotten my lisence yet, and i have alot of things ahead of me. School, job, future... whatever... i don't think i'm supposed to be good at it. I need to learn from them, and get better... like kissing. (but thats another story)

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a loyal person. (Not bragging here) If you're my friend, i'll be sure to value your friendship beyond compare. Oh yes, sometimes i take people for granted, and i don't value them as i ought to, but i know the importance of loving people and caring for them. I often find that I put too much into friendships even, for i am usually the one to write the letter, email, note, call, stop by, whatever... all the time... its kind of pathetic. Friendships are a 2-way thing... and often, i get annoyed with the 1-way effort.

Some think i'm "clingy"... oh dear. Dreadful to think. But i'm not. I just care. And most will tell you, I get "attatched".... but not to the point where i can't be dettatched, i assure you. The reason for this "clinging" or "attatchment" would be because i've been left alone a few times before, by some of the most important people in my life. (My father being one of them.) Because he left, i find upon meeting new friends, or even in relationships, i'll hold on tighter, for fear that the other person will let go.

My biggest fear is to be alone.

Now, having that said, I'll have you know that this is the follow-up blog to "The Art of Falling"... I fell, and I wasn't caught by the arms of the person i fell for.

But, i have to say, that i was caught... by Jesus. No lies.

The other night, i had an amazing time with God, just praying and everything. I prayed about the relationship that i am in, and then today, it ended. I honestly believe that God was putting obstacles in the way during this relationship (despite how short it was), so that i would get out of it... and i kept making excuses to hurdle over those obstacles. Now, I can't say i'm not hurting... i am. but i feel really good too. Its amazing.

anyways, things happen for a reason. and i'm still living and walking and talking and loving... so no worries.

Live and Love, and LISTEN... especially to your friends, and to God.

-b.m.e.

Come Out of the Closet and give us a Smile (and other stories at 4:43 am)

2007-02-22T02:41:00.000-08:00

Imagine this:

Its a beautiful February day. You're walking outside, breathing the cool winter air, enjoying the sight of the clear blue sky, and feeling the gentle warmth of the sun.

You walk into a local hangout (wherever you so desire, take your pick), and decide to have a sit down with a good friend (who is the opposite sex)... chat it up... small talk... whatever.

You sit and discuss certain things; the weather, school, life, and any other current events, when this friend asks you a question:

"Should I tell you who I like?"

You, being the curious, and yet not over-desperate friend, say, "Sure.. but only if you want to tell me. I don't care." The friend smiles, and says, "Make a guess. The least amount it took was one." After several minutes of rattling off names of possibilities, you begin to grow both frustrated and restless. You hate guessing games. You give up. The friend smiles at you and says, "Think... OUTSIDE of the usual assumptions..." Your brain is already hurting, and you have made your attempts (although poor)... again, you simply, give up.

The friend smiles, and then gives you the name of a friend of the same sex. (as them, not you...) You don't know what to say. You are flustered. You don't believe them at first, but after several times of trying to convince you, you finally decide to take them seriously.

They are telling the truth.

Now, i'm not trying to be the "Over-conservative-Christian-Nazi" but there are certain things that don't sit well with me over a cup of coffee. Like, for prime example, the coming out speech of one of my best friends. Sure, its always been one of the things in the back of my mind, the "what if"... but for it to actually happen? thats a different story.

I don't know what to think of the whole situation really... I mean, i'm not a homophobe, but I really don't agree with it all. its not something I can sit here and blog about really... you'd have to talk to me face-to-face... but i guess its just something i need to pray about. (And schedule an exorcism for! kidding...)

anyways,
much smiles-
b.m.e

The Art of Falling [again]

2007-02-20T23:29:00.000-08:00

I am a faller.
I fall into (and for) a lot of things. Come to think of it... i think i have perfected the art of falling... again.

Falling in like (and in love), falling into trouble, falling for lies... these are just a few of the prime examples of my expertise... i'm a natural.

Lately, I have fallen for relationships.

It seems to me, that everyone around me is in a relationship lately. All the teenage drama is building, as relationships are forming in the most unlikely (not to mention weirdest) places... haha. Take me for example:

I have been hanging around with a friend for sometime now, and we have become completely tight. We tell eachother everything, ask anything (no matter the content) and we enjoy each other's company. After much time spent, I met his brother, who I, in turn, began to like... he likes me back, and boom! Relationship is arising. Not to mention that the friend that i am hanging with hooked up with my Best friend, so it worked out pretty right on... two best friends and brothers... what more could a girl ask for?

thing is... relationships... falling... they go hand-in-hand. People will try and tell you that its different, and that it won't happen to them, but they're wrong. Sometime during the wonderful fairytale relationship you are living, you will fall. Whether it be in love, or in crap, or maybe you will fall for something... like lies. Either way, its inevitable.

Its hard to explain the reasoning behind this whole rambling post.. i guess i am just warning you ahead of time that if i do end up falling, (harder than i have before), there will be a follow-up story to this post...

Don't forget to fall...
-bme

Examination Termination (and other current events)

2007-01-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

Its true... we have just passed through the time period known as "Exams"... *dun-dun-dun*. Its crazy, I know. And thank God I am done!

The semester truly did fly by... and now with all the upcoming holidays, (Winter Break, Some long-weekend in March, Easter...) the next semester is sure to pass just as quickly.

Not too terribly much has been happening in my life really. (Okay, what life?) But I find I've been keeping myself busy with work and other little things going on. I've babysat for the past couple nights, and am making some cash that way... so that's nice. I am actually saving, because I am going to a Barenaked Ladies concert on the 10th of February. :-) Yah... WHOOT WHOOT! haha.

So in case you haven't heard, (or read) I don't have a computer at home right at the moment... we had some major technical difficulties and it crashed. (the funeral is planned for the 30th of this month...) And so the only times I've been able to update or email have been when I stop by an aunts or friends. (and really, who likes relying on other people's computers?!) Its been the pits for sure... I basically went through withdrawals!

So I've been reading more blogs lately. I'm amazed at how many people are in the blog world that I have yet to know and discover. I love meeting new people, so it was a treat to find that I've had some visitors stopping by my blogs. (Why they do, I have no clue...)

The writing has been the shits lately. (pardon my french...) I've been inspired somewhat recently, but am finding myself lazy. My style is changing once again, (whether or not for the good I have yet to find out) but I haven't really written anything poetically significant lately. (Despite my journal entries-- but those have yet to be published to the world of blogs!)

I've been thinking about running away. Ha! Pathetic I know... not running away from anything... but more so just packing up and hittin the road for a bit. I just want to be done school and start my travelling early. (its not going to happen, but I can dream)

Speaking of dreaming, after watching the musical "RENT", I dreamt of Broadway again. I saw the poster on my wall of "Broadway at Night" that I picked up while in New York last April, and missed the excitement of the city, and even the stage. We are starting up our next drama on Monday, so I am really excited for that. I miss the high of being someone I'm not, and performing live. I'm thinking of auditioning for some stage roles after graduation as well.

I slept in Bronwen's room again last night. (my younger sister) Lately it seems like I actually enjoy hanging out with her. (Even if it is only while we both snore away.) Funny thing is that she's getting cooler. hah. She's turning 12 on Friday, and its as though because of her growing up, I respect and love her more. She's not just the annoying little sister anymore, she's my sister.. you know? Ah, maybe not. But we did have a good laugh today while quoting "RENT"...

"Hey Mister! She's my sister."
Sisters?
"We're Close."

hahahahaha! :-)

So Shelby, Jen, Chelsea and I hung out today. It was the first time the 4 of us were all together by ourselves for the first time in a long time... the original 4. It was awesome to just be losers with them for a day. We went out and bought a dozen donuts, (the fatties that we are!) and then went to the Bean for coffee. (I even made our drinks- I wasn't even working!) Upon returning to the car, we realised that we hadn't locked the doors. Shelby was upset, and so glad that no one had stolen the cd player... all that Jen, Chelsea and I could think of was if our donuts were still safely on the seat in the back! ;-) (Hey Jen, Say "BABOON 10 times fast! NO! NOT BAMBOO!")

I know I'm skipping all around here, but thats just how I roll. Get used to it.

So, I'm single.
And I think I'm lovin' it...
*ba-da-ba-ba-ba*

I mean, its good. I've pretty much been single my whole life, so I don't know why it seems like big news, but yah. I am. Actually, come to think of it, I could care less about having a gentleman companion at the moment anyways. I don't have the time, nor the patience, nor the heart for it. My emotions usually get the best of me, not to mention I end up making things worse with my stupid way of expressing myself through writing that can sometimes contain more than one meaning- and people take it in the wrong way. Oh dear, oh dear.

So Crystal wrote me a note last week. Oh Gosh... I was sick to my stomach. There's a long sob-story behind this whole issue, but the gist of it is that my cousin, (whom I share the same middle name with!) hates me. (With a burning passion I might add.) Its really quite dramatic and pathetic, and quite frankly, I am sick of the whole charade, but I guess family drama is popular these days, and she just can't get enough. To spare you the details (and the bore of it all) the note basically talked everything that she finds fault with me, and that everything can basically be brought down to the fact that its me who causes all the shit that she goes through. (Oh sure, she wouldn't write that in plain speech, no, I read between the lines.... genius I tell you.) Its pretty entertaining at times. And all I can do about it is laugh and shake my head in disgust and bewilderment.

So I guess this is about all that I have to rant about tonight... I'll try and update my poems as soon as possible, (ASAP) With no computer still, it may be a little while, but be patient, and I will be back!

All my love, and most of my hugs, and okay, alot of laughs too!

-B.M.E.

Away from Home

2006-12-28T02:24:00.000-08:00

Well, this is my first official Christmas away from home. Not just away from home, but away from my whole family as well... everything is going wonderfully so far.

I left home with the Lajeunesses on Friday morning the 22nd, and we drove all day until reaching Calgary. Upon arrival, we met up with Kaechs, and he and Kevin went and picked up my new Jacket! (so awesome... really.) We headed to the Bus Depot at 7, where my bus would depart at 8pm for Dawson Creek. Because of the extreme amount of travellers over the holiday, the line for both tickets, and to board the busses were ridiculously long. After the overflow of people on the first bus, the second was boarded shortly after. I bid the Lajeunesses and Kaechs farewell, and got onto the bus. We didnt end up leaving the depot until nearly 10 in the evening. it was going to be a long trip indeed...

On the bus, I was seated near a woman and her son. The little boy immediately began to talk to me, making me feel all warm-fuzzy-ish inside. It was nice to have a friend on a long trip. After discovering that He and His Mother were too going near my destination, we ended up sticking together through most of the transfers, and other bus rides, reserving 3 seats together. It made the trip far more enjoyable to have some company.

I met up with a friend while in Dawson Creek. (at the Bus Depot) My bus from there to Chetwynd wouldn't be leaving until 11am, (this is now Saturday) and we got into Dawson at around 8:30ish. (Leaving plenty of chill time) My friend, (whos name will remain undisclosed) and I had a good visit, and ended up holding hands for the majority of our time together. As he was heading out to go to work, we said our goodbyes, which then consisted of brief exchanging of saliva. (yes, a kiss.) It was my second kiss ever to experiance, and it left me somewhat dumbfounded as I got onto my next bus. Guess who hasn't talked to me since...

Anyways, I arrived here in Chetwynd around 1:30ish in the afternoon, and have been enjoying the time here. It feels so awesome to be spending time with my friends, and we are having quite the adventures.

I miss my family slightly, but I will be seeing them in a few days.

Hope everyone's holiday has been enjoyable. I'll be sure to update this soon...

my love,
B.M.E

Giving

2006-12-16T17:13:00.000-08:00

So Jesus' Birthday is coming up, and I am pretty stoked. I've been thinking about all the lovely things that come with the glorious day, and one thing has come to mind lately is: Giving.

Oh I know, everyone says, "Its not about the receiving, its the giving that matters..." but lets be honest, who doesn't like getting gifts? I know that sometimes, I can be pretty selfish, but I always find when this time rolls around every year, my heart is fixed on Giving to others, that I could care less if anyone got me something. Sometimes, this can even cause me a little bit of trouble. You see, I feel obligated to get everyone something. And I can't afford it, so I usually end up making a bunch of stuff or at least cards to give to everyone I know. I get this long list that I always am adding names to whenever I run into someone. I've really been struggling lately though to decide who I should get gifts for, and who I might offend if I don't. I don't want to hurt anyone if I don't get them something... but its so hard to figure out what would be a good gift for someone. (especially with such a limited budget)

Another reason giving comes to mind, is because it makes me realize how fortunate I really am. I can't even imagine not having a home for Christmas, or no food, and I find that giving food to the food drive, donating old clothes to the Sally Anne, and anything else I can do to give is so important.

Anyways, I've done some shopping, I've made some stuff, and I've donated a fair bit too. If you perhaps read this, and don't receive something from me for Christmas, I hope you know that I have equally enough love to share with you as well as everyone else, and hope you aren't offended.

I hope that you can get into the spirit of Giving this Christmas as well.

To all of you out there, ready for the season,
Merry Christmas,
and I love you.
BME.

12 Days of Christmas

2006-12-10T14:54:00.000-08:00

Starting tonight, at the Bean There Cafe, the 12 days of Christmas will be held. What this means, is that each night, from the 10th (today) till the 22nd, there will be live entertainment at the shop with no cover charges! (which is really cool!)

Seriously, its going to be a grand ole time! Here is the list of the upcoming schedule so far:

Dec.10 -"The Cockrum Sisters" and Ed Berry
Dec.11 -Poetry Night: Bailey Edelman, Warren Booth, MaryAnne McDonald, and Lydia Lavoie
Dec. 12- T.B.A
Dec. 13- T.B.A
Dec.14 -Jubilee Choir
-Christmas Carols: Bailey Edelman, and Morgan & Shelby Todd
Dec.15 -Mattison Hannotte
-Kelsey Valliere & Joanna Brucks
Dec.16- T.B.A
Dec.17 -Trudy Graham
-Dawsyn
Dec.18 -Jessie Wuttnee
-Bill Land
Dec.19
-"Fantastic Jim"
Dec.20 -Natanis Davidsen, Dan Keith, Eryn Cockrum, Tyler Coupland, and Greg & Bernice Alger
Dec.21 -Jazz Night
Dec.22 -Bob Lesley & The Meadow Lake Pipes and Drums

Please come and check this out, it will be really Merry and Joyous! haha.

A blog about... ROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBINROBIN...

2006-12-09T22:50:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about Robin today, and how amazingly awesome she is. She's just one of those friends that makes you smile, even when you know, you don't feel like it. haha. Sometimes? Robin makes me smile so much that my jaw hurts. Now that's a good smile-maker indeed. And have you seen her dance?! Whooo-eeee..... not that's what I call Sexy-Back. She's like, the hottest thing going... you know, all that and a bucket of pretzels? Yah. Definitely. I Love Robin. Are you reading this Robin? Well, if so, I LOVE YOU! If not, I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and Robin? I think that you're the best at playing the tambourine... how do you stand it?! And another thing Robin, I don't think you're as butch as your hands... or your middle name!!! (But if you want to be, that's fine...)

Okay, well, this was just a tribute to your awesome-ness. And your Grad Escort is hot stuff too! Check out those calves.... whoot!!!!

I love Robin.
-B.M.E.

Where in the world?

2006-12-09T22:11:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder where in the world, my "Mr.Right" is...

I know. I'm as pathetic as they come, but seriously. After much deliberation, I have realized that he is definitely not here. Really, our town doesn't have too terribly much to offer, and those that are even on "the list", don't count, because they are taken. Take Mr. Jared Fingler for instance... now, he is a prime example of the ideal male, but he's taken by Robin, my most wonderful friend. (kidding, it was a joke...) And then there's every other guy that is remotely cool, and off-limits. Hooray for no selection. I have so many good guy friends in other places than here, that are actually datable and I can't, because, well, they're NOT HERE. Its not really that big of a deal actually, I don't need a boyfriend... but sometimes, I sure want one. I don't plan on dating until I'm 20, so really, it shouldn't be on my mind as often as it is... but, it is. As my teacher often says, " Its alot to think about, nothing to worry about." haha. So true.

Since we're on the topics of my friends in other places, I was talking to my friend Dillon the other day from BC, and I think I'm gonna see him sometime soon! That would be amazingly cool. Besides the fact that he is somewhat completely attractive, he is also a real sweetheart, and I wouldn't mind hanging out with him. He makes me smile. :-) (I don't like him like that...) Anyways, I miss alot of my friends from not here lately. I mean, I love my friends from here, but there are some people that I seem to be re-connecting with more often now, that I wish I could see.

Anyways...

Here's to you Mr.Right, wherever you are...
Goodnight.

`B.M.E.

Counting Sheep

2006-12-08T16:49:00.000-08:00

So I just woke up from an intense nap that was muchly needed. I feel exhausted still, but at the same time, better.

Lately, my sleeping habits have been less than wonderful. Staying awake until 12, 1, sometimes even 2 in the morning, and then getting up for school at say 7ish, isn't the healthiest thing on the planet. I slept on our way back from Lashburn yesterday, and planned on having a good night's rest last night, but ended up staying up late to finish some history stuff. yay. As far as I know, I didn't dream of Napoleon Bonaparte or the French Revolution, so it must not have stuck too much. :-)

Speaking of dreaming...

My relationships, or lack there of, have been pretty... well, non-existant. There was something going on with a friend for a bit, but not anymore. I'm a sucker for long-distance relationships with my friends from not here, and I hate them!!!! They're not really "relationships" though, just friendships that I find myself falling more emotionally attatched too, and a mutual "in-likeness" usually. To tell the truth, I think God's been doing some interesting work in that area lately. And at first, I was NOT cool with it at all, now? I'm starting to understand it more I think. It's getting better.

So, I have been dreaming about Pirates lately too. (No, sorry, not Mitchell Smith) Haha. I've been dreaming of the heros: Sixpence, Lovely and Peter Pan! And Villainous, murderous, peg-legged Pirates! Crashing waves and lowering the sails! Really just alot of nothing, that means alot to me. I can't wait to sail the sea!

Get this though:

I get sea-sickness. I know it ridiculous, but I get queasy even on motor-boats. I like them, and I like cruising around the lakes in them, but at the same time, my stomach sometimes does not-so-good flip-flops. *sigh*

So I guess tonight I am doing nothing, and thats cool by me. I wouldn't mind going back to counting sheep. In fact, I think I will.

g'night all.
b.m.e.

The First

2006-12-07T22:26:00.000-08:00

okay, okay. not my first blog ever, i know... but my first blog that is going to just be "BLOGS" like, journal-blogs... day-to-day happenings of my life perhaps... you get the idea. Hopefully, now with the 3 blogs that I've got, I will actually write something remotely worth reading.

Okay, so today, I went to this Leadership conference, and it was... well, not the coolest ever, I admit. But Ian Tyson, (who will be speaking at our school next tues.) spoke today, and he was Capital A-W-E-S-O-M-E. haha. I am so excited to hear him again. (Even though chances are, he'll say the same message...)

So tonight at evening band, it was wonderful... I played my sleigh-bells part awesomely. (go ahead, laugh... its a skill.) yah, that was cool.

I went to Kevin's tonight for his little birthday party thinger, and it was a good time as well.

I need sleep, I'll be up tomorrow at 5. yikes.

alot of love,
b.m.e.